My wedding is only 2 weeks away! I still can’t believe it will be here that soon. I feel like I’ve been preparing for it for the last year, but now that it is finally arriving, I wish time would slow down. I wish there was more time to prepare for all the changes that are coming my way. I wish I would have more time to put all of the finishing touches on the day. In order to do that though, I have to also wish that I had 20K more to spend on the wedding because every little addition is another dollar.
My finance took a weekend trip to see his Mom for mother’s day this weekend, so I’ve had plenty of time to relax this weekend and think about how I’m going to have a husband in three weeks. In between wondering whether I’ll call him hubby or not, I’ve been filling my days by working on my novel and watching plenty of Netflix. During my Netflix binging this weekend, I decided to re-watch Gilmore Girls. There is something comforting about this seemingly endless show that brings me back to the time period of my teens when life was simpler but just as uncertain as it is today.
Granted, I’m a lot more confident in who I am today, and in who I am not, but yet just like those years, I have this understanding with my life that anything could happen. Much like the feeling of graduating high school, I feel as though I’m standing on the edge of the next few years of my life, not quite sure where my feet will land. I’ve been comfortable being a single woman for the past 31 years of my life. I lived in different cities, traveled to Europe and Asia, and was in control of what I did and where I went. I had the ability to pick up my life at a moment’s notice and move across the country, something I did twice, and no one to consider except, my cat and dog. Now, I am changing from me to “we.” Yes, I’m still my own person, but that freedom, that going anywhere at anytime feeling, isn’t there, it’s gone to the past where its freedom brought both pain and happiness. Part of me is happy to leave it there, with the memories of the past, and the other part of me is sad to see it go. Much like that summer before college, the hollow feeling in my stomach is being filled with a mixture between anxiety, excitement, and anticipation for the unknown. Yes, I know I’ll be with my fiance, but even though I’ve been with him for years now, I’m not entirely sure what our life will look like. I have a picture in my mind, but if I’ve learned anything it’s that life doesn’t always play out like a picture.
On the flip side, one thing the last period of my life that felt like this taught me, is that sometimes, if I’m lucky, it can all turn out even better than I ever imagined. Life is a leap of faith and I’ve found that faith usually comes before the leap.
I’ve got the faith, so now it’s time to leap. Leap full force ahead into the future.
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